when you're through here make sure you pop over and see how the lovely and talented dafeenah responded to my prompt this week.
"i mean, i get her whole tree-hugging-barefoot-and-granola thing, but she's taking it a liiiitle too far now. i honestly thought she was kidding when she put me in the car for that crap this morning. she's into all that bullshit romantic surprise nonsense so i figured she was trying to be stealthy and was making some sort of joke about where the hell she was taking me and we'd wind up somewhere completely different. can you imagine if i pulled this on her? she'd have a goddamn shit fit. but i can't say two words about how ridiculous she's being without setting her off."
"slow down dude. i have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. where did she take you?"
dave sighed, almost embarrassed to tell nate about where he'd spent his morning. "we went to a fucking poultry farm."
water spewed from nate's mouth in a perfect spray that dave thought only happened when carefully rehearsed for movie scenes.
nate, choking on his laughter and disbelief, finally caught his breath enough to ask, "lex took you to a poultry farm? why?!"
"she wanted a pet chicken. a pet fucking chicken. for our new york city apartment, my psychotic girlfriend wants a pet chicken."
"so did you get one? what did you name it? delores. that's a good name for a chicken. ooh ooh or how about victoria?" nate was having way too much fun with this for dave's liking.
"no," dave groaned, "we didn't get a chicken. we got into a knock-down drag-out fight in front of a goddamn farm full of people and animals, that's what we got. and i might need to stay here tonight. that cool?"
"only if you bring chicken licken with you."
"seriously, i'm gonna knock your teeth in if you don't stop with that. she's seriously pissed at me right now." dave rubbed his eyes, afraid to rehash the morning's fight to his former roommate and lifelong best friend. but dave knew nate well, and knew that if he didn't give him the whole story immediately he'd be dodging chicken jokes left and right until he did. "you want to hear what happened or not?"
"sorry bro. vent away. you want a beer?" nate crossed the tiny apartment the guys once shared to the dingy kitchen and the moldy fridge and pulled out a few beers.
"thanks," dave said, taking the beer and promptly knocking back half the bottle.
"ouch. that bad?" nate knew all of dave's ticks, having spent 26 years as his best friend. the pair had been forced upon each other when they were only weeks old, a result of their mothers being sorority sisters back in the day. now, nate and dave were more brothers than their mothers had ever been sisters. nate knew dave wasn't the type to self-medicate; he didn't usually reach for a drink after a rough day at the office, preferring instead to work out the tension at the gym. but lately, after a fight with lex, dave had gotten into the habit of grabbing a beer (or two or three) and pounding it like a frat boy.
"yeah, that bad. i don't know why she has to pick these fights in public. we got there, i asked her if she was crazy, told her this whole thing was ridiculous and tried to leave. the screams that came out of her? jesus, nate, you would have thought the sky was falling. she went on that whole 'don't fucking call me crazy' thing and just wouldn't stop yelling about how i don't respect her and i don't take her seriously and i don't want to do anything she wants to do. i mean, i would be glad to do everything she wants to do if it weren't so fucking psychotic, ya know? damn, i love the girl but she's nuts."
"yeah man, i hear you," nate sighed. "i don't know why she has to go off on you like that in public, but don't you know by now not to call her crazy? she really doesn't like that." nate bit his lip. he wanted to say something he knew he shouldn't say. that's the problem with promises. or rather, with keeping promises. sometimes, it's better that they be broken. but lex swore him to secrecy and nate wouldn't betray her trust. she had become like a sister to him since she began dating dave five years ago and though he hated keeping anything from dave, it wasn't his place to spill the beans. so he bit his lip instead.
"oh i'm just fuckin' around, i don't mean actually crazy, like she needs to be in a nuthouse or anything. lex just overreacts to everything." dave scratched his head. why do girls get so defensive about that word, crazy? when she's acting like a nutbag am i supposed to just let her act like a nutbag without pointing out how out of proportion she's blowing this shit?
"but, and i'm not taking sides here, i'm just sayin'," nate warned, "if you know she's gonna go off on you for calling her crazy, why don't you just stop calling her crazy and tell her what you just told me? that what you mean is you think she's overreacting. it would save you a lot of headaches, no? and nights on my lumpy couch." nate was only trying to be a good friend to both of them. but he couldn't help but feel like he had to betray one of them in order to not betray the other. knowing something about his best friend's girl that dave himself didn't know? not cool. telling his best friend something about lex that she didn't want dave to know? not cool either. fuck.
dave was confused. "its just words though, she knows what i mean. why should i have to censor myself because she's got a screw loose?"
"that's what i'm talking about dude, that shit right there. don't be saying stuff like that if you know it upsets her. and apparently she doesn't know what you mean if she's acting like the sky is falling when you say that kind of crap."
now dave was really confused. nate said he wasn't taking sides, but it sure sounded like he was backing up lex way more than dave. "you in love with my girl or something?" he asked nate. dave was joking, but could taste the slightest traces of jealousy and fear on his words as he spit them out.
now nate was spraying beer. "you're kidding, right? lex is like a sister to me. and you're my brother, dave. i'm just playing devil's advocate here. plus, i can't have you sleeping on my couch when i'm tryin' to bring the beautiful babies back here. i want you guys to be good. i've gotten used to having my little love nest and you crashing here is a turn-off. unless the girl's into threesomes. but you wouldn't be down anyway. so go make up with your girlfriend and get the fuck off my couch. i'm going out with a ten tonight and i don't want to bring her back here and have to introduce her to my sad, pathetic best friend who just had a fight with his girl... that's a pussy magnet right there and i can't be losing a ten to your puppy dog eyes." nate hoped his "bro life" tangent* was enough to distract dave from his idiotic question and convince him to go home to lex. they needed each other, dave and lex. nate knew this better than even dave did.
"you're disgusting. but whatever." dave mulled over nate's heart-and-something-else-felt speech. he thought about the night nate had planned and how, to everyone's surprise, he wouldn't trade a single night he'd spent with lex in the past five years for nate's bachelor lifestyle. dave knew he was truly lucky to have lex, a girl who, for all her neurosis, was an eleven. "arite, arite, i'll call her. i can't promise i won't be here tonight though, she was really pissed at me today." he paused. "i hate seeing her like that. no homo, but watching her cry feels like a knife to the gut," dave said, suddenly wistful, picturing the girl he loved in the state he had left her. he rose and strode to the door, pulling out his cell and dialing lex.
before he could press "send," nate managed to fire out a quick text message: dont worry i didnt tell.
prompt: chicken licken runs by, yelling, "the sky is falling!" it's not an acorn this time. what happens?
*credit goes to the degenerate animals i call friends for the inspiration on nate's dialogue here.