thanks, but no thanks

fact: if you think lady gaga is talented, you're in idiot with awful taste in music.

fact: if you watch american idol, you're braindead and a drain on society.

fact: if you aren't a vegan, you're an asshole who supports animal cruelty.

fact: if you drink or smoke or stay out late or in any other way indulge, you're a trainwreck with no direction.

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fact: i hear complaints and read nonsense tweets, facebook statuses, and blog posts like this every fucking day.  here's a fact for ya: just because you say "fact" before making a heinous general statement does not mean your opinion is worth more than anyone else's.  including mine.

so here are some facts of my own:

• i like lady gaga.  in fact, i love her and consider myself a "little monster."  i think her voice is spectacular, her bravery in dress/speech/performance is inspirational (whether it's "real" or not is inconsequential), her dedication to activism and gay rights is admirable, her adoration for her fans is awe-inspiring, and her songs are just plain fucking fun.  no, she's not the beatles or elvis or led zeppelin in terms of transcending time and culture (although, let's reevaluate that in a bit of time) but she makes the freaks and geeks and the regina georges of the world all feel as if they belong here, together.  and that's worth a whole fucking lot if you ask me.  yeah, i'm a huge fan of an artist who is controversial and crazy and arguably less talented than the "greatest performers that ever existed" but that doesn't make me any less intelligent or "free-thinking" than you claim to be.  music is a deeply personal choice that does not need defending or stats or evidence or argument.  but thanks for insinuating that people who behave differently than you do are idiots.

• i watch american idol.  i really like the show, actually.  well, i liked it a lot more before the voice came along and shit all over it, but that's neither here nor there.  yes, reality shows are, for the most part, stupid and overdone.  i'll give you that - the talent search shows are running out of talent to search for, and fast, and just how many "real housewives" of different cities do we need to obsess over?  (let me tell you, i know plenty of real housewives, and bravo would probably be a lot more reputable -- if way less profitable -- if they chronicled these women's lives instead... but i digress.)  but who the hell cares if i like to watch aspiring singers' dreams unfold on the biggest stage in the nation, get a few laughs at the awesomely bad in the process, and chuckle over the sometimes-ridiculous judge commentary?  i started watching the show a few years ago when a friend of mine was a contestant, and yeah, i got hooked.  i vote for my favorites.  and then i go read a book or write or have a real life conversation.  so, i guess i'm actually not braindead.  i even got my degree!  and, better than that, i intend to use it!  i'm capable of fully intelligent conversations and i have real opinions about real things and actually - gasp - want to help change the world (for the better).  but thanks for insinuating that people who behave differently than you do are braindead.

• i'm not a vegan.  i eat meat.  because a) i was raised enjoying the flavors and recipes, b) it's a healthier diet for me, which was in fact proven by my three-year stint as a vegetarian that left me in severely poor health, and c) i don't support animal cruelty, but you don't see peta raising a ruckus every time a lion takes down a wildebeest to feed it's cubs.  it's called a foodchain, fuckers, and not to be pompous, but yeah, we are at the top.  you want to be vegan or vegetarian?  that's great for you.  i'm proud of you, really.  but i'm not one, and that doesn't make me less human or less compassionate or kind a person than you.  hey, believe or not, i even have pets!  i have dogs, one of them being a pitbull, the other an african lion-hunting dog, and no, i don't tie them up to fight each other in the garage.  i've taken a limping wild rabbit from the middle of the road to an animal hospital.  i've pulled over on the highway in tears after seeing a lost dog i couldn't help.  i've spent hours with farm animals, hangin out.  just because i enjoy chicken piccata doesn't mean i'm an animal-hating monster.  but thanks for insinuating that people who behave differently than you do are assholes.

• i drink.  i smoke cigarettes.  last weekend i didn't get home til after 6 am.  i'm also 22 years old and perfectly within my legal rights to do all those things.  before you get all riled up - i absolutely do not advocate smoking or alcoholism or underage drinking.  so chill.  but you know what?  i'm about to throw some crazy - crazy! - info at you guys: drinking can be fun.  no, i don't need to have a drink to have a good time.  but sometimes, it's easier to have a good time or get the stick out of my ass or be comfortable in a certain setting or converse with strangers with the help of a little liquid courage.  if that doesn't apply to you?  great!  but that does not mean you are better than me.  i stay out late because sometimes, the night is just too good to end.  and yeah, i sleep in late the next day but i get up and continue to contribute to society in a positive way.  there are plenty of times where i've been at a bar completely sober too.  and even weekends where i haven't gone out to bars at all.  and when i do drink?  i don't wake up the next day in a dumpster three states away.  not sure if you all knew this, but drinking doesn't mean my life is going to hell.  like i said before - i even managed to get myself out of college - with a degree and honors in fact!  and, like i also said before, i do have goals in life.  so i guess partying like a 22-year-old doesn't mean i'm a waste of life.  but thanks for insinuating that people who behave differently than you do are trainwrecks.

you are totally entitled to your opinion.  i'm also entitled to mine.  and we are absolutely entitled to agree to disagree, right?  and to have different tastes in music and hobbies and different beliefs.  so you're better than me because... why exactly?  i can't help but think you sitting your vegan, gaga-hating, boring ass up on that high horse and looking down on us little shitheads who live differently than you do negates some of your holiness... no?

celebrate yourself.  go right ahead!  you should be proud of the choices that you make in your life, you should be pleased with yourself for sticking to your plan.  it is your prerogative to praise yourself for making what you think are the right choices - for you.  i just can't really see why the people who make different choices should be shit all over for making the choices that, while they are different from yours, are right for them. 

fact - we are different.  all of us.  and your sweeping generalizations preceded by an atrociously false claim of truth do nothing to make your life more valuable than mine.  keep your "facts" to yourself and i'll keep my marlboro lights and american idol favorites to myself, okay?  i'll still have a hearty conversation and cup of coffee with you.  unless, of course, you want to judge me for indulging in corporate conformity because i happen to like the taste and convenience of dunkin donuts coffee?


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note: this is not about any one person in particular, but if you think i'm talking about you, you're probably correct and might want to think about not being so friggin arrogant.