i wish you knew how full my mind is of the things i can't say. things i want so badly to say, but i dare not. things i would say to you if i weren't afraid you'd actually hear. plug your ears, i need to speak.
if i could, i'd tell you that i remember every detail of that night. i remember your shirt that you still wear that i love but pretend to hate. i remember the taste your tongue left on mine. i remember the words i said to you that we later rendered lies. i remember my heart racing and your shaking breath and how i jumped when your hands touched me. i remember leaving. i remember your lingering kiss that left me smiling for days.
i'd tell you how many times you've made me cry. the sobs that shook my body, rocked my heart, dented my sanity. i cursed you, banished you, silenced you, degraded you, ran from you. i wept like a child because of you. you never saw it, maybe you heard hints on my words, but i'd die before showing you my tears.
i might even tell you how much you define my life. that i measure moments by you. i know my life's epochs by where you stood in them, if you were there, or how close you were. my timeline is marked by tears, kisses, hugs, laughs, silences.
i just might say that you're my scarecrow.
it might slip out that the touches you leave on my skin burn for days, and that i feel your hands on me when i close my eyes. that i slip away from conversations because i'm reminded of something you said once, and i drift away from the moment on a memory of your whispers tickling my ear. that i see you in all my dreams, you star in all my nightmares.
i might remind you of that place we went that time, and maybe i'd let you know that i can't drive past it without catching chills. everyone else sees it as a former paradise, but i see the paradise you created for me. no one else will know, it will be ours until it drowns. i remember every moment there, i know you do.
if i could tell you all the things i'm afraid you'd actually hear, i'd tell you that i wouldn't change a moment.
and that every once in a while i think of you when a screaming comes across the sky and the world stays calm, but my heart races. no one notices, but i do, and i forget to breathe.
you're the only other one in the world who would hear it too.
this little number is brought to you by this week's indie ink writing challenge. the lovely kayla challenged me with a screaming comes across the sky, and my prompt went out to amanda. read, comment, & be merry :)