let's be honest

so, i'm really all about things that force me to do things i don't want to do.

i know that sounds totally fucked up and you think i'm being sarcastic, but it's actually half true.

i don't like my father trying to run my life when he knows nothing about it. i didn't like my professors in college trying to strip down my writing so they could rebuild me as totally different kind of writer (it was like fucking boot camp for some of these fuckers. i mean, i know i was in college to learn, but give me some credit - i got myself there by knowing something, amirite?). i don't have the highest opinion of most government officials. i cringe every time i hear about a piece of legislation or even a discussion between men on women's rights, especially of the reproductive variety. i never listen to movie, book, or music critics, and if a friend tells me something's a bad idea, i'll most likely end up doing it. and if someone tells me to do something condescendingly, i definitely won't.

aw. and you guys thought i was all mature and stuff, didn't you? tricked ya, kids.

but on the flip side, i love being challenged when it comes to certain things. mostly, my writing. it's the reason i joined the indie ink writing challenge, and i'm so tremendously glad i did so. i've made some great friends, gotten some valuable and heartfelt and moving feedback about my writing, stretched my muscles, and written things i never thought i would.

it's also the reason i started doing the 30 days of shamelessness challenge. sometimes i just don't have the confidence in the thoughts dicking around in my head to put them on here, and this meme has been a motivator for me to get something out for ya'll to read. you're fucking welcome. i know i haven't been shameless in a while, but i'll explain why when i get the next post up.

so, there's something to be said for disciplining yourself (myself) with things like this. and i'm going to be joining my wonderful friend alison, who blogs over at pretty girls don't eat, in another new 30 day challenge. the 30 days of truth challenge.

those of you who know me in real life know how much i value honesty and truthfulness. i do not lie. there are a lot of reasons for that, but one is that i used to all the time and it got fucking exhausting. another is that i am never more hurt than when i find someone being dishonest with me, and i can't ask something of someone that i wouldn't do myself. and a big reason is that i suck at it. if i even try, i get the giggles and it's just written all over my face. so it's best not to bother.

true, i could lie to you guys here, since you can't see me. and, in the name of full disclosure, i have told lies in my life, even recently, but under very extreme circumstances and only when the truth would do nobody any good, and the lie is out of love and protection of myself and someone else who is important to me. so, there you have it. but i have never told a lie out of malice or laziness or whatever. it's just not worth it. i like knowing the people i love know they can trust me to be honest with them. i take pride in being able to say that i don't lie, and i wouldn't want to have to lie about my lying. it's all a very tangled web, you see, so honesty has just always been the go-to route for me.

it amazes me, though, how some people can just look another in the eye and tell a completely fabricated lie. it honestly does amaze me. it just seems like one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone, and to yourself, and i don't see the point. especially because, and maybe this is just true for me because i'm very talented (i read body language and lips and have superhuman hearing when i have to) and sneaky as fuck, the person you lied to always finds out somehow. again, just not worth it.

so now that i've gone off and written something that some people might see as a passive-aggressive attack at them, which i didn't really intend it to be but hey, it's late and whatever, i should get back to the point.

i'll be participating in 30 days of truth, but much like how i bent the rules for the shameless challenge, i won't be truthing it up for 30 consecutive days because i just don't feel like it. the truths are:

1. something you hate about yourself
2. something you love about yourself
3. something you have to forgive yourself for
4. something you have to forgive someone for
5. something you hope to do in your life
6. something you hope you never have to do
7. someone who has made your life worth living for
8. someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit
9. someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted
10. someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know
11. something people seem to compliment you the most on
12. something you never get compliments on
13. a band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days
14. a hero that has let you down.
15. something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it
16. someone or something you definitely could live without
17. a book you've read that changed your views on something
18. your views on gay marriage
19. what do you think of religion? or what do you think of politics?
20. your views on drugs and alcohol
21. scenario: your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. what do you do?
22. something you wish you hadn't done in your life
23. something you wish you had done in your life
24. make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs
25. the reason you believe you're still alive today
26. have you ever thought about giving up on life? if so, when and why?
27. what's the best thing going for you right now?
28. what if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
29. something you hope to change about yourself, and why
30. a letter to yourself, tell yourself everything you love about yourself

wish me luck. and please stick around to see some of these answers. we're gonna get deep.

also, i would love if you guys took a few to check out the rest of my friends doing 30 day challenges. i mentioned alison above, who's truthiness you can find here. another pal of mine who blogs over at lazidaisical is doing a 30 day photo challenge, which will definitely be fun to keep up with. and if you haven't already heard, my lovers katsidhe and random girl are showing their shamelessness too. and, indeed, i invite all of you to give any of these a try and let me know so i can follow along with ya'll!


stay gold.