shameless: exposed

i promised you guys my next post o' shamelessness would come with an explanation about why it's taken me so damn long, so, true to my word, i'm about to give ya both.

next up on the 30 days of shamelessness challenge is:

12. share about a health struggle.

and the reason i've hesitated to post something is because, i don't really feel like i have anything to talk about. i mean, i do have some health issues, both physical and mental (yeah, i'll say it!), but these issues are nothing compared to the things i see some people close to me going through.

i've suffered from depression and anxiety disorders for a very, very long time. but with a lot of conscience effort and different treatments, these are barely issues for me anymore. i'm probably affected most when there's a substantial trigger. i react to trauma and difficult circumstances a little more strongly than other people i know, but i know myself well enough to take care of myself. sometimes i get panic attacks, and sometimes i have to take certain herbs (not a euphemism for anything) or teas or use aromatherapy or meditate to calm down, but i'm pretty okay. and that's lucky, because i know some people who have depression or anxiety so out of control that they have suicidal days or days where they can't leave their house or bedroom. i've been lucky enough to be away from that place for so many years that it doesn't seem like i have any right to call it a "health struggle" when so many people are truly struggling from it every day.

i've also had severe body image and weight issues. again, over time, i've gotten better. i still have issues with my body and weight and honestly fear being fat. but i take rational, healthy measures to make sure i don't gain weight, instead of the disgusting, harmful measures i used to take and that so many still do. with luck and love i got healthy, and unfortunately i can't say the same for so many pro-ana, pro-mia, and ednos kids and adults who struggle to stay alive.

i get headaches. migraines, actually. funny thing is though, i've been getting serious chronic headaches for about ten years, and have just sort of gotten used to them. 4-5 days a week i have a headache, and i've learned some triggers but that doesn't really change much. i started carrying advil in my purse when i was in 6th grade and don't go anywhere without some sort of painkiller on me or in my car. i always thought they were just chronic tension headaches and not migraines, because i'd heard other people's horror stories about how migraines make them lose their sight or equilibrium or make them throw up. i'd had a few headaches make me sick, but i thought that was just a REALLY BAD one, and didn't want to lump myself in with people who suffer from migraines. well, a few days ago, i had an absolutely horrible headache that made me throw up anything, even water, i put in my stomach. after researching migraine triggers at my mother's suggestion, i realized that about five of the most common migraine triggers had happened for me in the past 24 hours. and when i realized the headache was in the same spot and felt the same way as the headaches i've always had, i realized i'd been getting migraines all along.

incidentally, i finally wrote this post after taking the RealAge test, which i last took about 2 years ago, when i was 20. at that time, due to my unhealthy habits, my real age was 28. now, at 22, i've taken my real age down to 25! woot! go ahead and take a few minutes to find out yours, and even find some great tips and information on how to live healthier. (after you finish reading this of course.)

so, tangent aside, i guess that's my biggest issue, my acchiles' heel, the migraines are. i'm sort of relieved i finally realized they're migraines, because people get it when you say "i need to lay down, i'm getting a migraine." they don't get it as much when you say you have a headache. "man up, a headache ain't that bad." well, mine, always were. but, while i'm sharing this with you, i can't help but say that migraines are bullshit compared to the health struggles i see friends and family members going through. there are people close to me with lupus, arthritis, chron's disease, kidney disease, heart disease, endometriosis, cancer.

i'm so fucking lucky i get migraines.