is it possible to believe in fate, or destiny, or whatever you want to call it, and free will - choosing your path - at the same time? i'm not a terribly religious person, though i do believe in god, but i don't subscribe to any religion in particular. so this isn't a religious post. but i do know that there's a whole universe that is bigger than me, with a plan all of its own.
i want to trust I’m making choices for my life, my future, according to my own beliefs and what i know is right. a lot of blood, sweat, and tears - not to mention extensive planning and rewriting of said plan - go into every major decision i make. career stuff, where to live, the people in my life, the next step. i'm a pretty spontaneous person in day-to-day life, and usually act on whims when it comes to most daily decisions. but when we're talking about something that i have to plan for, i literally obsess over the decision until i'm certain i've come up with the right course of action. i can't believe that there's no point in these processes and that the choices i'm making aren't really mine.
but then on the other hand, there are too many signs of serendipity in this life to ignore. if there were only a few, i'd say sure, they're coincidence. but, i'm not 100% sure i believe in coincidence at all. i mean, things like, when someone asks you if you've seen or heard of something, and you haven't, but then after your friend tells you about it, you start hearing about it or seeing it everywhere. you know what i'm talking about. or, and i'll use my friend as an example here: long story short, she moved away from our home state to a dreaded land called ohio in the name of a relationship. said relationship ended, and she found herself in a new one. in new relationship, her live-in significant other was offered a job opportunity in another state, a state my friend has been wanting to move to in order to attend grad school. just like that, perfect opportunity to move where she always wanted to be. you couldn't plan that shit any better if you tried! it's things like that that make me know there's a path we follow, unknowingly, that leads us where we need to go. and I can’t believe that all i’ve been through, and the crazy paths i’ve been down, haven’t been for a purpose. the people in my life, the places i've been, the experiences i've had, must be stepping stones to lead me to where i need to be, to the people i need to know. if the pain and chaos i’ve endured hasn’t been part of the universe’s plan to teach me what i need to know or to get me to the right place, at the right time…. well, i just can’t believe that.
i think of dumb things like choosing to go to this place instead of that place, order this instead of that, wear this instead of that - all these little decisions that really are inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things, but have lead to me either learning something new or meeting someone or seeing someone i haven't seen in a while, or whatever the case may be. it can't be all chance.
but - can it? if it's not chance, then what of the decisions i actively sweat and cry over, to make sure they're absolutely right? where's the universe then? is it the universe's influence making me sit down to figure it out?
i know the universe has a plan, and maybe free will is part of it. maybe that’s what makes it possible - our choices to be open to the universe’s plan are what allow it to work.
(these are the kinds of things i think about at length. so this may help you understand a little bit why i obsessively make lists and plans when trying to make a big decision. my mom says it's because my childhood was kind of unstable and unpredictable, so it's an internal self-defense mechanism to make sure i don't have to live like that again. she has a point.)
"never forget that on any day, you could step out the front door, and your whole life could change forever. you see the Universe has a plan, kids, and that plan is always in motion. a butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. it's a scary thought, but it's also kind of wonderful. all these little parts of the machine constantly working... making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. the right place. at the right time." -himym
( quoted #14 )