there's this beautiful moment of clarity that comes when i walk through that door. this sudden rush of calm and peace that somehow mingles with excitement and anticipation. it almost feels contradictory, how my mind can be at rest and relax while my heart begins to race and my blood pumps ever faster through my veins. it's a moment where my worries are washed away, and there's nothing to think about except for the intense exhilaration i feel and how remarkably content i am to be where i am, with the person i am there with.
the moment when i see the face i've longed to see, finally. it doesn't matter if it's been days or months or hours. when our eyes finally meet, everything else vanishes. everything that kept us apart and whatever will keep us apart in the future, gone. it is the moment i can fully live in the now. i don't want to be anywhere but here, and for once, i'm able to stay in the present, this beautiful present, uninfected by the trials and woes of every other moment.
it's almost unsettling how a person can feel so much in so small a moment. so much relief and joy and want. knowing you're only inches away from the only thing you crave? i'm suddenly caught up in a frenzy of trying to command patience and decorum while my insides scream for me to end the craving and take what's mine.
there finally comes a moment when there's no more to be said; no words can do justice to what we're feeling. the moment when the wanting stops, the limit is reached, the need is feral, and there's nowhere left to go but to that perfect place, that place where rules are for suckers and the reward is imminent. the moment when the heat is unbearable, hellacious but heavenly at the same time. the moment when your heart skips a beat, then picks up pace faster and faster and faster until you fear it will thunder right out of your chest. the moment where your breath is staccato and broken and a measure of your desire.
my favorite moment is when my body reacts to the mix of the most powerful sensations on earth. when i can't find the line between pleasure and pain, and the two become an intense feeling that has no name, and all i know is that i feel like i'll die if it ever ends. the moment where logic and knowledge and preservation of self are all lost, where even my name is forgotten and all i know is wanting more of this feeling. the moment when he knows me better than i know myself, where his heat makes me burn in every possible way, ignites my own heat and we brand ourselves into each other.
there are these moments that feel so brief once they're gone, though you've invested great care to be sure they'd last forever. the moments you can't justify with language, that you remember with your senses of touch and taste. these moments. these moments. these moments i commit to memory so i never have to live outside of them.