This post is more for me and the theoretical people it's addressed to than you guys. But I thought I'd post it because, well, this is my blog and I wanted to. And maybe my readers who are already mommies and daddies will have something to say about it. xx
To my future children,
You may or may not know by now that your mother has a tendency to be overdramatic and a wee bit hysterical sometimes. But this letter to you, my babies, was not born from overdramatics or hysteria. When I wrote this letter to you, the news media was primarily concerned with a highly publicized case of criminal behavior against children that had me reeling from the very first headline. I was physically ill each time I thought of this tragedy, and even more so when I stopped to think about how often this behavior occurs outside of the media's glaring eye. The situation, my darlings, was that innocent young children, much like yourselves, were hurt by someone they assumed to be trustworthy in a most heinous, violent, disgusting, and traumatic manner. They were raped. And all over the world, children and adults become victims of rape.
I wish I didn't have to say that word to you. I wish that word didn't exist. I wish that behavior didn't exist. I wish that the world I brought you beautiful people into were not such a harsh and scary world that rape must even be defined. I wish that I could tell you the scariest thing you'll ever witness is the sight of your mother in the morning without makeup. I wish that I could tell you that it's okay to trust everyone you meet and that nobody out there in this big, bright world will ever even think of being anything but kind, generous, and helpful to you.
But I can't do that.
No matter how badly I wish these things for you, for us, for our family, I can't change reality. Believe me, if I could, I would. I would move mountains for you. I would lasso the sun and hang it above your heads so you never have to know cold or darkness. I would do anything for you. And I wish making this world a safe and beautiful place for you were as easy as casting my wishes on shooting stars.
I can't change the world for you. But I can make a promise to you.
I promise that I will do everything within my power to keep you from feeling pain. I promise that I will love you every second that you exist, and every second after. I promise I will make you feel safe and loved and protected. I promise I will listen to you. I promise I will be around. I promise I will never leave you. I promise I will never turn away from my duties to you. I promise that if you are ever afraid, you can come and tell me. I promise that you can safely tell me all your secrets. I promise I will never judge you. I promise I will never make you feel badly about yourselves. I promise that I will protect you at every cost.
I promise I will hang your drawings on the walls and carry your portraits in my purse. I promise to laugh at your jokes and applaud your accomplishments. I promise to give you everything you need. I promise to teach you how to drive a car and how to be loved.
I promise that if anyone ever hurts you, I will make it stop.
I promise to spend time with you. I promise to listen to your stories and play soccer and have tea parties with you. I promise to teach you how to love and respect yourself. I promise to teach you how to make sure you are treated well. I promise to be fair.
I promise that I will warn you that life will not always be as fair to you as your mother will. I promise to prepare you as best I can for the dangers out there that will threaten your safety and sanity. I promise to tell you the things you need to know about heartbreak. I promise to tell you that there will be moments of sadness and fear in your lives, but I promise I will do my very best to teach you how to be strong and survive. I promise I will do everything I can to give you tools to protect yourselves when you feel like you no longer need me. I promise that a time will come when you feel like you no longer need me. I promise that when that time comes, I will still be here in case you change your mind. I promise you that a time will come when you will change your mind. I promise I won't say "I told you so".
I promise I will make a mistake or two. I promise there will be times where I don't know the right answers, or don't know how to make everything better. I promise there will be times where you think that I just don't understand and have never felt the way you do. I promise you won't always like me or the choices I make for you. I promise we will get angry with each other. I promise that it is possible to love someone with all of your insides, no matter how angry you are with them. I promise that even when I make a mistake, I will still be trying to be the best mother I can be for you. I promise I will be trying to protect you. I promise I will always be thinking of what the best thing in the world is for you.
I promise that I will love you every second of every day until the world ends. I promise that I will tell you I love you until you are sick of hearing it, and I promise I still wont stop.