Little Nuggets

I'm moving out of my current apartment at the end of the summer, and I'm in this really strange place of not wanting to wish away the summer, the three months I anxiously await every year, and wanting September, the freshness of fall, my new place, and my new puppy to hurry up and be real already.

Related, I can't believed I've lived almost two years without a dog in my home. That has literally never, ever happened, not since I was born 25 years ago into a house with 2 German Shepherds and two cats. Even with Oliver, it's weird, and if moving into this place with a landlord who is a thief of joy wasn't an emergency snap decision, it would never have been okay with me.

For the first time in my life, I'm really not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I mean, sure. I'm a writer. Got the degree and the clips and everything. I always said that's what I'd be, and now I am. But perhaps it's what I'm writing, or maybe it's the where, but it's all feeling kind of stale lately. I'm more inclined to think it's the content than the practice, because the act of writing, I'm certain, is the one thing I can always rely on to feed my soul and set my mind at ease.

But, writing from behind a desk from 9-5 is not a life for me. Firstly, because it isn't effective work-wise. I can't write quality content for my job simply because we are in the middle of business hours. I know that sounds like a cop-out or a "creative type's" asinine rambling, but it's true. I used to work from home, and was more productive in two 3-hour blocks of time where my mind was at its sharpest, than I am all day between 9 and 5.

Secondly, because every time I notice a numbness in my butt or an ache in my glutes or coccyx, I can't help but think how ridiculous and #firstworldproblem it is that the biggest physical danger to me from my job comes from SITTING TOO MUCH. I mean, I just find that absurd. Don't you? I've been meaning to get a standing desk adapter rather than relying on a stack of books or a bookcase at an improper height, and I don't think I can put it off anymore. Sitting is the new smoking, or so they say, and since I've already kicked the latter, it's time to get moving on the former.

So I'm not sure if it's writing or the circumstances surrounding this particular track of writing-as-a-career that I've tumbled down, but something just isn't clicking quite right. I don't define myself by my job, and I'm realistic enough to know that 100% satisfaction from a job is simply not something most people get. But I'm also smart enough to know that a soul-sucking job doesn't balance well with the amazing life I have outside of it, and it only takes one drop of red food coloring to turn the whole water glass pink.

That's my way of saying that if you don't keep tabs on things and check in with yourself and make adjustments as needed, those little poisons — a bad relationship, a negative friend, a leaky faucet, a knee injury, whatever it may be — don't stay little for long, and if you're not careful, they can infect any other healthy aspect of your life until the point of takeover.

Maybe that's just me. But I have a sinking suspicion it isn't.

I'm still deciding how I feel about weekend recap posts, and still welcoming your opinions about them. I'm inclined to add a quick one here, simply because I caught myself thinking more than once, "Wow, this is my third great weekend in a row. With literally no downsides. I should document this for posterity."

So I'll save the details for my journal, but let me just tell you this: Staying in on Friday night, reading a John Green novel, taking care of some blog and life tasks, and settling into some yoga and a deep meditation was one of the best decisions I made all week.

Aside from that, my weekend was full of going, doing, and being. For a Type A person like me, weekends — especially those that involve such beautiful weather — are about cramming as much "life" in as possible. You won't catch me sleeping til noon on a Saturday these days. Especially when the warm air took so long to get here, and I'm still not convinced it's staying for any length of time!

I'm still really, really, really obsessed with this song.
XO by John Mayer on Grooveshark

So that's what's happening here. What's up with you?

Comments

  1. it took me a while to find my groove/passions and what i wanted to dedicate my life to. after switching a few majors around in school, i accidentally landed in the field that in (was a hobby, turned career) and i absolutely love it. sure it has its ups and downs as does any job but i wouldn't give it up for anything. i think in order to be happy with your career, you need to be passionate about it...how else can one get up every morning and do the same thing over and over again? i was in a soul-sucking job and i couldn't do it so i left. not worth my time and the anger/dread i felt day in and day out just wasn't worth it.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

    ReplyDelete
  2. I dont mind reading weekend recaps at all. It's writing them thats maybe a chore for me because I have to sit and actively remember what happened the day before haha, I can relate to this post though. I am what Ive always wanted to be. A lawyer. But maybe its the type of job I currently have that can be a ... stale as you put it. Not everyday but some days. Regardless, I understood you when I read this post.

    Loving the quote as well!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I totally understand you not wanting to wish away the summer...but wanting to wish away the summer. I'm getting married in Sept. and I am SO READY for my new normal to begin. You will figure it all out, girl. Do what makes you happy!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. ahhh i totally understand about the not wanting to wish time away, but wanting things to hurry up. i have so many fun things planned that i find myself ignoring the immediate (like dreaming about europe when i havent even gone to australia yet). yay for new apartment! we have always had dogs as well, but we got cats because of the apartment and now i dont know if i want a dog! is that horrible? we might wait until we have kids because then i'll be at home and we'll be tied down anyway. but as of right now, we can go away for a couple days, or even be out all day and my cats are fine. but with a dog, you have to let them out.. and i've never had an inside dog and you cant leave a dog outside here. and i'm rambling.
    i sit way too much as well. boo.
    and i like reading weekend recaps, im just not the best at doing them because i am the most boring of all the borings. i got that john green book on my kindle, hoping to read it on the flight or something! yay :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have wished & dreamed away a whole year of life. I think I had plenty of living in there, but the other day my best friend said I can't believe this is my 7th wedding anniversary. I could have sworn it was only her 6th. I realized I've spent so much time wishing & hoping for my studio to be move in ready that I lost a whole damn year. It was really a reality check that I need to start actually living in the present.

    When I lived it Savannah it was the hardest not having my fur babies within driving distance & not being allowed to have any!

    Get you a standing desk! Sitting all day blows.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm into weekend recaps from bloggers I really like. Yes, that means you. Obviously if it was mundane, don't share... or share. You cal the shots on your space.

    I'm with you on the sitting thing. I HATE the fact that I spend so much of my day sitting - my commute to work, all day at work, my commute home.... It's infuriating.

    From this post you're clearly restless, IMO. You just have to figure out how to break the mold you've settled into and change things up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I completely agree with you. I want to teach, thats what I went to school for but havent found a job. I can feel the bitterness seep in on Sunday nights bc I dont want to be a receptionist... I just feel unfulfilled.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm in the same boat as far as wishing time away. I want the next couple of months to go by quickly, but not so fast that I miss them!
    I'm iffy on weekend recaps. I don't have a problem with them though - if they seem boring, I just skip them, no big deal! I post them every now and then, just depends on if it was a weekend worth sharing or remembering.
    Ohhh girl, I am the QUEEN of "I don't know what I'm doing with my life!" It sounds like deep down you DO know what you're doing but you just need a change of pace. That doesn't seem like too hard of a fix :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I'd love to hear from you. Please make sure your settings let me reply to your comment by email.