No Such Thing

This past weekend was, for me, one of those where — as much as you enjoy it in the moment — you look back on it Monday morning and think "Whew, glad that one's over."

Nothing bad, and barely anything remarkable, happened. But let's just say I'm happy to be starting a fresh week and looking forward to the coming 4th of July {HOW IS IT HERE ALREADY?!} weekend.

So yesterday I kept the day for myself — cleaned my apartment, cleaned out drawers and cabinets, did a detoxing yoga practice, caught up on some shows — and at some point I found myself tuning in and out of Golden Girls on the boob tube. {Go ahead. Say something bad about Golden Girls.}

One scene really caught my attention though: Sophia is dispensing some advice to the rest of the girls:
"Let me tell you girls the three most important things I learned about life: Number one, hold fast to your friends; number two, there's no such thing as security; and number three, don't go see Ishtar. Woof."

My ears were particularly perked at number two, though.
via
"There's no such thing as security."

As a  person who spends an obnoxious amount of her time planning, listing, reviewing, planning, revising, and planning again, this is a fucking scary concept.

A lot of you know I'm in the middle of "figuring some things out" right now. I'm moving in September — my landlord has been informed and my apartment hunt is officially underway — and with that comes a new phase of life, the roommate-less living stage, which I'm so amped for, but which brings a few new challenges.

I'm reconsidering some things about my career and plans I made for myself back before I  knew where life would lead me. That alone is scary to contemplate, let alone take action steps on.

The thing is, you {I} can plan and plan and plan and plan and plan, and then plan some more. I can think about every possible problem, hurdle, curveball I may encounter on this particular path. But without fail, life will always hand you something you could never have planned for. And when that happens, the whole concept of "security" you've created for yourself through careful, thorough planning, can be shot to hell.

I wish I could resolve to let this knowledge lead me to a less plan-happy, more take-life-as-it-comes place. And while in some respects I do sort of find the flow and follow it, I've never been the type of person who is okay with "letting life happen to me."

I've never achieved anything worth having that I didn't work diligently toward, and I have no intention of starting now. But what about the knowledge that even those things I fight for tooth and nail can be taken from me, or vanish without a trace, in the blink of an eye? Is it still worth enduring the fight, writing the plan, counting on the future, if I know that there's no such thing as security?

I say yes, but with a caveat.

I'm still working on what that caveat is, though. So far all I've gotten is "Yes, but...."

Is the "but" telling me to make more plans, like a whole alphabet's worth just in case my plan A comes crashing down? Is it telling me to ditch every plan I've made and wait around to see what happens next? I have to think there's some middle ground, where I can plan for security and yet still not have my world shaken when that security is inevitably pulled out from under me. I'm trying to make out what it looks like, but I'm still a good distance away and the view is a bit fuzzy. If you know what it looks like, please do be a peach and share.

Today's a great day for a ramble blog, isn't it? I hope all of you had delightful weekends and easy Monday mornings.

Comments

  1. I spent my whole life, up until my early 20's, following a carefully laid-out life plan. Make straight A's, go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house...and then all of that came to a screeching halt. Even though it was my decision to quit my job and go back to school, it still fees like my whole world has been turned upside down. I don't even know HOW to make plans anymore because I'm so afraid of them getting thrown back in my face and having to start all over again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. today's the best day for a ramble blog! very well written as always. I am a planner as well, for sure, and I used to be very anal about it all, and I don't know if it's because I'm older, or because I'm married and own a house, but I'm less of a planner than I used to be. Now I'm more of a planner + dreamer instead of planner + planner haha. It's hard to know things can go wrong or be taken away from you or to do something scary.. but it's worth it of course. I don't really have advice because I suck at these things but... I wish you all the best and have no doubt you will excel at everything you decide to do!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've always been the outcast in my family for NOT being a planner. I have vague, general concepts of how I want things to go, but you lose me with details. But (and you can relate to this) I can think of every possible scenario from best to worst and every possibility in between. I think you're a preparer, more than a planner. A planner (at least to me) is someone who falls apart when things don't go according to plan, whereas YOU can pivot on a dime and keep moving towards your goal...as is obvious by all the changes you're in the process of making :)

    So ramble away ! You know we all like it :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. a say grind with no set plan if that makes sense. put yourself in a position where you can take any new opportunity that might come your way!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I spent my entire childhood planning for my future, spent countless hours in college because I had a false security that things would fall in place. They didnt.. Im now divorced single mom I have a college degree but can't find a job in my field. I wish I would have had backup plans or goals and not relied solely on feeling secure in the moment.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Living alone will be so wonderful - I think you'll really enjoy it!! I love the posts that you write like this because it really makes me stop and think exactly like you're doing!! Thanks for sharing all your thoughts and yay for a shortened work week!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh those Golden Girls, they are lovely! I am guilty of over planning for sure, but usually when I over plan things get to be a bigger mess than if I'd just let life happen! If only that was easier to do :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Golden Girls! When I watch it, I am transported back to a time when I was young, and I was cuddled up on the couch with my mom and grandma watching that show.
    For some reason that show gives me so much joy and comfort!
    So glad to know I am not the only one who loves it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. For as much as I am a planner sometimes someone else has a bigger plan for you and it's just nice to be.....does that make sense? It eventually all figures itself out and stressing on the daily about it just makes it worse.....I mean you can plan for days and still forget your bra....it happens ;-) xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  10. Golden Girls is the shit! I can watch marathons that last HOURS and STILL be sad when they're over, haha!
    I've honestly never been much of a planner. It stresses me out too much because my thoughts spiral out of control thinking of all the different outcomes that could happen. :/

    ReplyDelete
  11. Love rambling blog posts. Truly the best! I think things have a way of figuring themselves out and I know you will do just find. You have the right mind and attitude to do great things!

    Sidenote: I need to clean my apartment and your post let me know I suck at life since I have literally been avoiding the issue for a week haha

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I'd love to hear from you. Please make sure your settings let me reply to your comment by email.