My Words: Drive By

Every now and again I want to use this space for what my old blog, my creative writing blog, was meant for: to house some adventures out of the "lifestyle" game and let me play around with my words
I used to participate in Magpie Tales linkups once in a while, and I was really feeling* this week's image — so here goes nothing...
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http://magpietales.blogspot.com/2014/11/mag-246.html

Drive By 

When I came to visit you / That's when I knew / that I could never have you

you fascinated, you fascinating thing, you were fascinated with me. with my ring. my clunky silver and stone ring, the ring that sits on the finger that he used to hold, and when he didn't anymore, my clunky silver and stone ring did instead. and while you slid my clunky silver ring from my finger and twirled it in yours i stole the chance. the world was fixed on you; i was fixed on you. your hands were fixed on my ring and then your eyes moved to fix on me. i blushed.

I knew that before you did / Still I'm the one who's stupid

i wouldn't let them call you calculated. but in the hushed words, the looks that lasted a single second too long, the clink of bottles, the padding on pavement, the turning of pages, the heavy silence, and the sounds of quiet torture between us, i tried to figure out the math. i always came up with one too many, and you promised my math was off. i was fooled.

And there's this burning / Like there's always been

it didn't add up that i, me could fascinate you, yes you. that i could make you want to run with me, and that you could make me want to run. but i did and you did and suddenly 'safe' meant something new and strange and where was i? where were we? i was interrrupted.

I've never been so alone

i was in over my head
And I've never been so alive

and i walked through fire for more.

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by / The cigarette ash flies in your eyes / And you don't mind

every minute, every waking moment, every moment together and even the whole of every single solitary one apart, you set the world on fire and called it a gift to me. you burned bridges and forests and made walls tumble down and the sirens screamed out under the weight of your imposing fist and so did i, and my siren song became your anthem. you sang along like you knew the words (i helped you learn them)

You smile

and muted my song when it suited you. and i was silenced.

And say the world, it doesn't fit with you / I don't believe you

and so i sang your song instead. my teeth broke and tumbled out of my mouth in crumbs when the words wouldn't fit, but for you, i tried. and my tongue bled when i bit it one too many times so you could have your peace, so i could keep you safe and so you would only hear the song you wanted to dance to. and i broke.

You're so serene / Careening through the universe / Your axis on a tilt / You're guiltless and free

i should beg forgiveness but i can't muster another word for an apology after i used every one i knew to figure out how to break you too. for half a moment it felt and looked something like relief: the sharp, jagged pieces of these grandiose ideas we once had of who i was, who you were, who we could be and what we would never do. but it was fake relief, like the moment your body goes numb after the hundredth lashing, the way your nerves call it quits and your skin becomes water, the way you spend just a heartbeat thinking you'd rather feel nothing at all, before you remember that at least when you burn, you know you're alive. and sweet, merciful hell did you make me feel. and i burned.

I hope you take a piece of me with you

but your skin turned to water and i lost you on the current.
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*I'm fine. I just have a good memory.  :)

Comments

  1. Love this song and love your writing. I'm glad this is just a memory for you though :)

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  2. well hot damn woman, you should do this for a living.
    this was beautifully written, of course.. I love 'and muted my song when it suited you'.
    never heard that song before, i really enjoyed it.

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  3. You are so talented!! I love this!!

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  4. Well isn't someone the talented writer! I wish I had your creativity.

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  5. speech.less. hot damn. i loved this!

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  6. No other word except "awesome". Totally blown away.

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  7. I haven't listened to this song in sooo long and it brought back so many memories. I loved reading this- you should definitely do more!

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