I Am Not

I've made no secret of the fact that 2014 made for a much different Alyssa. Throughout the course of the year I changed in ways I never thought I would, and made changes to my life I never could have expected. Still, there are some truths about myself I think I'd do best just to face and accept. Sure, last year I became a runner, a more serious yogi, a person who wakes up more than 20 minutes before she has to leave for work. But amid all that, I'm still me. I'm still "the kind of person" I am, and there are still plenty of "kinds of people" I am not.

I am not a morning person. I am trying to be an earlier riser, but as far as I'm concerned, anything before 7 a.m. should be entirely off limits for human activity. If your name is Alyssa and you're in fact me. I detest sleeping late and truncating the day that already has so little time in which to do all I need to do, but the best I've ever been able to do is shift my alarms back to the 7:16–7:25 range to allow for my yoga and shower to move to the morning from the evenings. While I'm able to do it for the sake of my schedule, I still don't enjoy waking up. At least not beyond the sheer gratitude I feel for being able to wake at all.

I am not a relationship person. I've had very few serious relationships in my life, but I have loved fiercely, stupidly, regrettably, and insanely. But I don't have certain traits I think other people have that make them good at being in a relationship. It's not that I don't want one (or that I particularly do either). It's that I have yet to spend too much time in a place in my life where a romantic relationship can take priority. I'm also not a person who wants to seriously date someone who I can't see myself with long-term. I'm dealing with two unmatched ends of the spectrum.

I am not a person who looks nice for work every day. I shower and strategically apply concealers and mascara (okay, and CC cream, brow powder, bronzer, blush, nude liner on the waterline and brown liner on the lashlines) and occasionally a lip color before I go to work every day, but the process is so finely tuned that it takes just a few minutes and leaves no room for special decisions. I dress comfortably and occasionally funkily for my super-casual office, and the only heat I take to my hair before leaving is the blowdryer — so I can avoid getting hypothermia, mostly. The weird thing is, though... I love makeup. I'm a product junkie. I love playing with my appearance and my Naked 2 palette is a prized possession, as is my lip color collection. I just don't care enough about how I look at work (where my bosses wear track pants and flip flops and the most face time I have is with my Macbook) to put any effort beyond "look like a human being" into my typical day's getting-ready process.

I am not a person who goes with the flow. I am a person who worries about little things, gets jealous over inconsequential things, and has an overwhelming need to plan for even the least intrusive things. I don't respond well to unwelcome changes and I can't "play it by ear." I can't "figure it out when we get there" and beyond ordering at a restaurant, I don't make game-time decisions. I plan, and I need answers when I need them, and I am perfectly fine figuring out all the not-so-fun details if you will just stop giving me a hard time about wanting to have them figured out. Remember all those times you made fun of me for carrying the Tide To Go pen in my purse and then needed my Tide To Go pen because you spilled coffee on your work shirt? I would love it if you could remember that next time you start to tease me for using my planner to figure out a day to go shoe shopping.

I am not a person who finishes things ahead of time. In true editorial fashion, I am a writer, and if given a deadline, I will work up til deadline. If I get something done early, it's likely because I have an internal deadline that I need to meet that doesn't align with yours. It does NOT mean I am not a hard worker or a dedicated writer or editor. I love the work that I do. Which is why I take on arguably too much of it and have to work right up to deadline on all of it. Oh and even if you don't need me to rush on something, for the love of god, please don't tell me that I can take my time or that you don't need it by any certain date. Please.

I am not a person who wants to see more than one photo per week of your baby. If you have a dog or a particularly cute cat though... gimme.

Sometimes I wish I could be some of the things I'm not. But then I wonder if it would be possible to be those things and still be the things I am. In the grand scheme, I do like the things I am. At least, for now.
It's so casual.

Comments

  1. you never know! things change, life changes, you change. i was never a morning person -- anything before 8am was ignored and going to bed any time before 11pm was ridiculous. fast forward years later and i'm the opposite -- waking up after 8am means the day is almost half done and who in their right mind stays up later than 930pm???? LOL.... how things change.

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  2. You know what you are - AWESOME!! I like to think of myself as go with the flow, but I'm 100% the opposite LOL! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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  3. i am totally a morning person now.. i never used to be, but as i've gotten older (and i am SO much older than you lol) i just can't sleep in anymore, or take naps (so sad) but not because of my internal alarm clock but because i just can't stay in bed when i know i have shit to do. also that means the earlier i get up, the earlier i can go to bed 8:30pm bed time what what.
    i love your morning routine for not looking nice.. i literally have zero makeup on my face today. the minimum i do each day is under eye concealer that probably conceals nothing, and mascara. on a good day i do the other stuff, but rarely. and today was zero shits, i'm lucky i brushed my teeth. ok ew of course i wouldnt leave without brushing my teeth but still.
    i am the same with the going of the flow! its funny, when we cancelled serendipity i literally had a little stress attack in the back of brain until we were settled nice and good in that pizza place. i don't like not having plans. i have learned to deal with them and appear ok - and truly it wasn't a big deal - but its always in the back of my head like where we gonna eat, where we gonna eat? that could also be because i love food, but whatever.
    i like to see more photos of my friends babies (ok just one friend and her baby, soon to be 2 babies) but everyone else... eh. although if and when i have a baby i'm sure i will post a zillion photos so you may as well get prepared now.

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  4. I like the things you are too! I wasn't a morning person until I had to be and like I told you, it still doesn't come naturally to me, but I've learned to really like the early morning hours (I just need coffee to get through them). I'm trying to be a little more go-with-the-flow, only because I've gotten to a point where I'm driving myself crazy with all my planning, but I know I'll never be laid back enough to not have a plan at all. And I struggle all the time with not doing things ahead of time…like does that mean I'm lazy? I'm really just not that proactive unless I have some reason to be…but then I get annoyed when I do have a personal reason I need to get something done early but I have to rely on other people who don't have the same internal deadline as me, haha.

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  5. I am NOT a morning person either. Total night owl over here with no apologies!!! And I rarely finish things ahead of time... clearly hehe even my blog posts I write today for tomorrow. Here's the thing though. I am a serial relationship-ist. haha. This has been the longest I have been single since I was a teen and it super weird!!!!!

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  6. I'm definitely not a morning person (though I wish that I was!), and because of that I never give myself enough time to do anything outside of the basics in the morning before work haha. I'm not very spontaneous when it comes to big plans, and my work will definitely stretch itself out to fit the time I've been given for it. I honestly think I need the pressure of a close deadline to do my best work, though I'm trying to work on that so that I'm not a stress ball all the time.
    But these things totally make you the person you are, and they will always be evolving and that's okay too!

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  7. I have always wanted to be a "go with the flow" person but it's just not natural for me...I'm hoping it's something that will continue to evolve as I grow, mainly so I don't stress about it all the time! As you know, I was single for a looooooong time but very recently, started a new relationship that came out of nowhere...so I guess you just never know when certain things will change!

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  8. Go with the flow? What is that? I like having a plan & when that plan changes I get cold sweats & mild panic attacks. Not my most proud trait. I've tried to work on it but it's just how I am it freaks me out to an unreal degree.

    When I don't have to see clients at work it's yoga pants & sweats for this girl!

    I'm not a person who functions well without my schedule. My friends make fun of me because when I don't have sessions or meetings scheduled I have no clue what day it is & I get really confused.

    I'm not a person who is able to sit still. I have to be doing something all of the times.

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  9. you are my spirit blog animal in many ways. i am not a morning person at all, i don't put much effort into looking like a human being for work (i mean i sit in a cubicle all day and approximately 4 people see me) and too many pictures of babies (but not cats!) drives me nuts

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  10. i wish i could mute people on instagram like you can on twitter. Like, I like them as a person. i feel bad unfollowing. But I don't need a baby photo every single day. Pet photo though, hell yes. 12 times a day. ALL THE DOGGIES

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  11. I am only a morning person by sheer force and will. I prefer to sleep in but I can't stand waking up late because I feel like I wasted part of my day. I also am not much of a go with the flow person -- pushing against the current is more fun anyway ;)

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  12. Love this lots! Could not agree more about the makeup and work point. Were business casual but still, no one sees me. Sometimes I wish I cared more but that usually only lasts a week.

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  13. What a cute spin to put on things! There's always things we will never be but I like what you said at the end, that if you were these things would you still be the things you already are. Keeping things in perspective and loving those things about yourself is important :)

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  14. I am definitely not a morning person which probably has a lot to do with why I am also not a person who looks put together for work every day!

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  15. Ugh the baby photos. My Godson's Mom just discovered TimeHop, so not only are we getting the daily photos of him, we also get the photos from previous years. Shoot.Me. I love him, but shoot.me.now.

    I am a planner. OMG, such a planner. When Mr. Scrooge told me his orders were to SC, he wasn't worried about finding a place to live before we got there, even though he wasn't going to get time to find a place after he arrived here. WHAT.the.WHAT?! I don't function without, at least, a loose time line of all the things and if something doesn't go as I had planned, oh back the fuck up, I'm not a happy camper. Moving on, my extent of looking nice for work is wearing a dress/skirt. I don't wear make up ever, so it's as good as they get.

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