I might never twist my body into a full handstand scorpion, but today I can build and hold a headstand for as long as I want. I can't hold a handstand for longer than 10 seconds, but a few months ago I couldn't hold it at all.
I don't make a lot of money. I am not in love with my day job. I don't know what my ideal job is right now. But I know what I'm good at, and I know how I can make a living. I know that I can make a living on my own and depend on myself for anything in this tangible world I need. I know that every avenue I try to turn down in my career leads me closer to the right place. I know I'll find that place eventually.
I know that even if I don't ever find myself in a job that fulfills me wholly, I will still be wholly fulfilled. I will never live to work, and I will always work in a way that allows me to live a life I want to lead.
I'm not very good at romantic relationships. I'm not good at being taken care of and I'm madly skeptical of people who claim they want to take care of me. I'm insufferably independent sometimes and am easily annoyed. I am often misunderstood and I don't much care to be more understandable to most people. But I know who the people who do understand me are and I try my best to nurture my relationships with them. I make sure they know I love and appreciate them.
I often turn absolutely green with envy. I can be a very jealous person. I think thoughts I'm often not proud of, but I do my best—most days—to never say them out loud, because the universe is polluted enough. I try to let myself be motivated by jealousy, rather than feel defeated or hateful.
Sometimes, I don't try hard enough. I don't hustle enough. I don't chase every dream I have because I don't always think it will come to anything. I hesitate and procrastinate. I talk myself into goals that don't matter and out of ones that do. I tell myself I do this for the right reasons, and sometimes it's true: I try to separate the impulsive thoughts and hair-brained ideas from the actionable items that will bring me joy and a sense of accomplishment. I'm trying to get better with this.
I don't have faith in everything I do. I hold off on pursuing things I want to do because I'm afraid of wasting time and money on things that may not turn out to be worth it. I waste time and money anyway by not pursuing the right things. I'm learning to get better at correctly identifying each.
I worry a lot. I worry too much. I worry about things that don't much matter, and about things that I can do absolutely nothing to change. I live in the age of worry, but I'm trying not to worry my life away. I'm actually getting better at this every day. Sometimes there are setbacks, but I'm doing better.
I don't always do everything right, but I try to do right by everyone I meet. I'm often kinder to others than I am to myself, and have more than once been too kind to someone else. I've had my kindness mistaken for weakness. I've also been accused of being a bitch. I've been accused of being too serious. I've been accused of being uptight. I've acknowledged there are amounts of truth in varying degrees in all these accusations. I'm not perfect, but I never once claimed to be.
Most days, I like who I am. I realize that not everyone will like me, and there are plenty of people out there surely who don't, but I don't ask them to. I try to be pleasant to be around, but I don't need the company of many approving peers to feel comfortable in my skin.
Apparently, I get weirdly introspective the week before my 26th birthday and navel-gaze with the best of them. But I look inward for resolution and try not to project my dissatisfactions or shortcomings onto the world around me. I write blog posts inspired by John Mayer songs, but... well, no. There's nothing wrong with that.