Absently Yours,

My confession this week is this: you already know it. I haven't been a good blogger lately, and I don't mean that in the way you'd pat a puppy on the head for bringing back the tennis ball. Good girl!

No, I mean I haven't really been good at blogging lately. My posts have largely been formulaic or redundant or unoriginal or boring to those of you who couldn't care less about running. I haven't read every single one of your posts, and some of your posts I've read and haven't commented on.

Looking back over the past few pages of my posts I kind of want to face palm. What happened to my good ideas?

Some are sitting in my drafts folder, waiting for Ts to be crossed and Is to be dotted.
Some are sitting in my notes app on my phone, waiting to be fleshed out and formatted.
Some are sitting on my desk, scribbled on Post-Its in barely legible shorthand.

Why aren't they here on the blog?

In the interest of full disclosure and pure honesty, here are a few reasons why these past few weeks haven't been representative of my best blogging self:

• I had a guest a few times over the last month who kept me deliciously distracted, and then slightly heartsick. There were times in those few weeks where I only wanted to write to him (so I did), or I only wanted to write about him, (so I did), or I wanted to push writing aside to spend time with him (so I did). But now there's nothing else to say about it, so I won't.

• I have been angry, and I didn't want to come here and make you deal with my anger. (I sort of dropped the ball on that one, but I figured you guys would appreciate what I had to say there. You did—thank you so much.) I really try not to make it a habit to hold onto anger, but there has been an ongoing series of triggers from the same people and frankly, I'm damn tired of it. And I've hit my limit, and I couldn't let my anger roll off my back. I had to take some time to sort of privately process some thoughts and come up with a solution. I have now, I think.

• I have been so, so frustrated with work that I slipped into a bit of a depression. This actually will get its own post, but I didn't want to write about it until I had something productive to say. Last week was so awful that I didn't even put a word about it in my journal, where I try to write three things I'm grateful for every day, because I just didn't want to remember anything about any of those days. I've said before that I don't and will never live to work, but when work is such a significant portion of the day, it's hard not to let its effects seep out of the office every now and then. I sort of lost touch with my methods of coping over the last few weeks and let every frustrated, defeated feeling induced by my job cloud my mind and it made me really negative. I don't like being around negative people; I figured you wouldn't either.

• I have been elsewhere. I haven't said this to many people, but I'm saying it now and only slightly hoping that the majority of you are skimming and don't catch this. I'm working on a book. Technically, I've been working on this book for five years, but I haven't worked on it in a very, very long time. I got tired of waiting for a "good reason" to pick it back up and decided the fact that I refused to ever let it go was good enough reason to finish it this year. It's not a novel. It's 90% written. I have cried while writing it; I will cry when I publish it. I have a title; I don't have a cover idea. I need an editor. I don't know if I need a publisher. I don't know if I'll say anything else about this until it's done, but there it is.

But I do have real thoughts to post. They'll come, at some point. Patience, grasshoppers. Stick with me through some less-than-inspired posts and I'll deliver the real good stuff in time, cross my heart.
Linking up with Melissa and Kels, because why would you link up anywhere else on a Wednesday?

Comments

  1. Well I for one like to focus on all the positive and think you should write when and if you feel like it!!! I have felt a bit of writers block this week and I feel ya girl!! Also...let's hear more about this mystery fella!! xo,Biana -BlovedBoston

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  2. i think a lot of people have been feeling the blogging blahs, myself included. i have a ton of drafts that are half written and i can't be bothered to go through and finish them. good luck on the book!

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  3. ugh I'm sorry about work girly. I know what it's like to hate a job, and I know how it can affect other aspects of your life and just bring you down entirely. I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do, let me know!
    Meanwhile, good luck on your book! If you want me to pretend I skimmed and don't know you're writing a book, I will, but good luck and I'll be one of the first to buy it when you publish it ;)

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  4. It's nice to give an explanation, but you don't owe anyone one. You have to do what's good for you!

    I'll pretend I didn't read the book thing while putting some good thoughts out into the universe about it.

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  5. No explanation needed! I hope work perks back up for you and congratulations on your book!

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  6. Oh girly... we all have time when life stuff is way more important then blogging. We'll be here when you get back in the game full force :)

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  7. You got it! I like to stick around blogs even in slumps because frankly we all have them. I have been feeling the same lately. Just uninspired and like my mind is elsewhere. I also think it's normal in the summer and especially if you're frustrated with work and such. Good luck with writing and I hope you regain your method of coping. xx

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  8. I feel your pain re: work... I have been there, and it's hard and it sucks. Just a few months back I was REALLY going through a rough time here, crying frustrated tears almost every day on my way home. That is no exaggeration! So even though I wasn't supposed to read it, I love that you are working on a book project ( maybe I should get back to work on my own!) and I'll cross my fingers its a best seller! :)

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  9. I totally get being uninspired on blog posts lately. I feel like when I log in to Bloglovin' and see the long list of sponsored posts, blogging rule posts, and posts that have a staged picture as the featured picture every single day sort of wipe away my creativity and willingness to put something amazing out there.

    Also, I feel your pain about work. When you dont LOVE what you do, which let's be honest...it most people....it can be draining both mentally and physically. As your older, wiser friend, I want to tell you that this gets better with age...but it doesn't. There are days I still don't know what i want to do when I grow up and there are days I sit on gchat with my bff and dream about the business we will probably never start. HUGS. Congrats on the book!!!! I am sending you good vibes and will wait patiently to hear more when you are ready.

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  10. ive been similarly uninspired by blogging/frustrated with life. no need to ever apologize for that! you blog when you can cause you want to, right? and if you don't you don't. and congrats on your book! that's awesome! can't wait to hear more about it when the time is right

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  11. Oh hey, just another member of the bad blogger club checking in! Sometimes that's just the way it goes, right? I like blogging regularly not because I feel an obligation to do it, but because my blogging regularly generally indicates that everything else in my life is decently good and balanced. So not blogging regularly happens when things are bad or crazy (like right now!) and I don't really like feeling that way. Sorry you're in a bit of a funk. Good luck riding it out! And good luck with your book, eeek! I'm not going to pretend to know anything more about that than that it's very exciting but I imagine very difficult and stressful but yay!

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  12. Oh hey welcome to the not so great blogger club. I have two days worth of posts to read and this time no excuse. So you're very excused love.
    As to the first one. Sigh. I read your earlier piece and knew something was up. I love the way you wrote about it, succinctly, deeply. Real. I hope you get whatever your heart desires love you deserve it!
    The rest (save the last one) - Im so sorry you're in a funk. If you need an ear you have one in me. You have lent me your more than I deserved. Also... Im glad to see Im not the only one who cant journal when things are that low.
    Finally. The book. Ill buy the first copy #thatisall - also Im writing again too.
    Hugs friend <3

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  13. I've been going through some of the same things too so you're not alone! I think we're all kind of in a slump right now.

    Looking forward to the book though! Sign me up for the wait list because I want a copy!

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  14. Ok, first of all, boo to sad and depressed feelings, but I've certainly been there as well so I know you can't just wish or force it away. I'm sending you an internet hug right now (got it? K, good) And you write what your soul needs you to write, I know for me that's how I can heal from things, anger or otherwise. Ok, fine, another internet hug just because :)

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  15. In light of what I wrote today, I love this. You don't owe anyone an explanation but thank you for sharing that things aren't perfect in your world. I'm sorry work sucks. That is never helpful.

    I'll pretend you didn't mention a book but I'm looking forward to hearing more about it.

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  16. Bad blogger here! Good thing even though we're not blogging I still feel like we connect daily, and connecting Saturday for real will be amazing! Your thing that's 90% done is exciting and like Kristen I'll be one of your first to buy it! But who will edit! (Raises hand: not it!)

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  17. That last point brought the biggest smile to my face. You are SO awesome! It's not something I personally want to do, but I find it so inspiring to see the many hats you wear for the hobbies/passions you keep.

    I hope your solution on the anger front works out once and for all. That ish is NOT okay.

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  18. I'm gonna totally pretend that I *didn't* read that you're writing a book but just don't be surprised when my name shows up on your pre-order list ;) Also, I don't think anyone holds it against you that you weren't your "best blogging self" lately. It happens to all of us! Real life steps in and demands your attention and sometimes it's just necessary to close your computer. Don't worry girl and don't feel guilty about taking the time you need to process things privately.

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  19. OMG OMG OMG I want a signed copy!!!!!!

    OK now I'm back to normal again. ;)

    I think it's really brave to open up like this, and you do it so casually that I feel we're having a coffee somewhere and you're talking. I'm sorry to hear about not-so-good things, but what keeps me moving at times like these is knowing that it'll be over. Maybe it's a bit passive, but at least I know it can't last forever.

    Hoping to see your ideas here soon, as then we'll know (or guess) that things are better.

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  20. Sometimes you just need to step away from blogging and that's okay. Life is meant to be lived :)!

    Good luck with your book!

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