Growing Careless

I like to think that many of us who congregate here have reached or are nearing a place of delightful apathy when it comes to certain things. Part of growing up is growing out of the things we concerned ourselves with as teens or young twenty-somethings, and ridding ourselves of certain insecurities is freeing in a way I didn't know to anticipate.
Photo is not relevant at all.
It's also freeing, I think, to now and again consider the things I would have gotten worked up over a few years ago, or the things that might have kept me from doing something I wanted to do. Like:

Things I've Stopped Caring About in My Mid-Twenties

Having to say, “I’m on a budget” or “That’s not in my budget right now.” A huge part of becoming fully independent for me was gaining more control over my finances and ensuring that I'm setting myself up for the future in the smartest possible way. That means tracking my spending, no-exceptions monthly savings deposits, a retirement account, and a strict budget. It doesn't mean I'm a wet blanket when my friends want to do something fun. It means once in a while I'll suggest we grab coffee instead of lunch or going shopping, and it means sometimes I have to say "I'll sit this one out, but have fun!" It used to bother me, but financial responsibility is more important to me than ordering an appetizer I won't even eat anyway.

Coming home on a Friday night, putting comfy pants on, and never speaking to another living soul again until Saturday. The workweek is long, you guys, and it's even longer when your job is emotionally and mentally draining. Sometimes, the best way to bounce back after the rat race is to hit up happy hour with friends and take advantage of half-priced drinks. But sometimes, I can't decompress in the company of others. Leave me to my Netflix and yoga pants for tonight, and I'll be even better company tomorrow.

How I spend [insert epic weekend or holiday here]. Here in NJ, Memorial Day Weekend is not only the unofficial start to summer, but also the sort of "opening" of the shore for the summer weekends. Starting Thursday evening, you can see a mass exodus of shore tourists and not-quite-locals as they load up the car and hit the Parkway South. And if you're from my neck of the woods and not heading down the shore for MDW, you better have an epic weekend planned up north. This year, I chose to forego the shore for a long weekend of sleeping in, Facetiming, running a local trail, and friend dates—with the only 10 people remaining in the area. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram all told of my friends' waterside adventures, but for once I was perfectly content "missing the fun" as prescribed by tradition. (See also: New Year's Eve, Halloween, and my birthday.)

What you think of the music I listen to. Most of my friends are music snobs, and most of them harshly judge my taste in music—and the fact that it's largely unchanged from my college tastes. I don't care. In a month, I'll spend another two nights on the water with Dave Matthews Band and friends, for my eleventh and twelfth DMB shows, and to add another year to this summer tradition. When John Mayer decides to go on tour again, I will be first in line to buy tickets. I will certainly give a listen to anything you think I might like that I haven't heard of yet, but I still like Dave Matthews Band. And you can call them "Dave Matthews Bad" all you want, but I'm still going, and it's still going to be one of the best weekends of my year.

Who most of the people on the covers of tabloids are. Listen, I'm not immune to celebrity gossip, and sometimes I'll even pick up an Us Weekly before a flight or beach day. But I have to be honest, I have no idea who the hell half these people are. If they're famous for being on a reality show (that wasn't Teen Mom or Teen Mom 2) I definitely don't know who they are. I appreciate when celebrity news intersects with relevant cultural happenings—Bruce Jenner's transition, Robin Williams' death—and I'm interested in reading (true) accounts about such things, but it doesn't seem possible for me to care any less about anyone's "post-baby bod!" (ugh) or "secret diet tips!" (ugh) because that's not news, and it's not helpful, and it's actually nothing but destructive to our psyches.

What kinds of things have you stopped worrying about as you've gotten older?


  1. yes to all of these. Like peer pressure lol. I used to worry what people would think if I stayed in or didn't go out for a big holiday - I just don't have the energy to care anymore, I'm too busy caring about other things! but for real, if I need to really decompress and relax, I can't do it in public. I need my yoga pants, a book and some mindless TV.

  2. Girl I seriously love coming home on Friday night and not worrying about going anywhere - best part of my week!! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

  3. Indeed! I stopped with (most) celebrity gossip, when I used to love Us Weekly. Like you, I still keep up on the original teen moms, and teen mom 2 because Jenelle's twitter is just this amazing trainwreck and I cannot stop.
    With the budgeting and going out, I didn't even realize it was a thing until my friend said on Saturday that she didn't want to leave early and make her train on time because she 'hates missing the fun while we're all still out.' Whaaat? I like my money. I'll take a train 3 hours early if it means saving $80 on a damn cab ride! I miss out all the time and i'm totally fine with it! (but it might be fore 'i hate people' than 'i have no money')

  4. I'm 38. I can honestly say I do not give one crap about what people think about anything I do, and I'm comfortable marching to the beat of my own drummer. I've always been like that, I just get more like that every year. It's totally awesome and you're right, unanticipated in how much I just don't care.

    I used to live for US Weekly. I still get it, and People, but I am like a month behind on them and basically now my favorite parts are the book pages. I'm less into TV than I used to be too.

    Also hate having plans on Friday night, never want to go out on NYE, and this year was the first Memorial Day I've been away in years. I typically like to take that weekend to spend in my house alone with the dogs since MFD is away from Friday - Sunday every year.

  5. Yes, yes yes to all of these! I'd like to add fashion, food, and beauty trends to this list. Seriously could not care less. I don't car if pants under dresses are "cool" now, I like my gluten right where I can see it, on my plate, and I don't need the latest and greatest,"this will change your life forever!" curling wand.

    I do like to do something for major holidays, but like you, I avoided the beach last weekend because I knew it was going to be a crowded crazy mess. NYE I like to attend house parties because I know I can either crash there or otherwise get home quickly and safely. But Friday nights in general? Count me out! I need time to recharge from the week.

  6. I'm 38 (well, technically still 37 since my birthday is next week) and I can tell you that it's been a long time since I've given a crap what people think of my taste in music (I just listened to Jerry Lee Lewis and Dolly Parton as I read your post/wrote the comment so you go with your John Mayer and DMB), having plans on holiday weekends, what anyone thinks of how I dress, and the like. I have the same level of interest in celebrity news as you because it truly doesn't matter to me. At all. I just don't have the energy to care and I definitely have no problem missing out on anything I choose to. I chose to miss it. Why would I care?

  7. hmmmm i dont think i really ever gave a crap about what people thought of me since grade 1 when vivian told me i couldn't be part of "the group" because i didn't suck my thumb like she and her minions did. wtf. even at 6, i knew that was some bullshit i did not want to be a part of so i said fine and did my own thing. not much has changed since then LOL

  8. In addition to several of these, I have gotten very used to saying, "I can't stay out/go out that late; I have a race tomorrow."
    I've always been self-conscious of what other people think of me (I'm SO introspective that I tend to internalize and then project what others must think of me onto myself) but I've been surprised that that's lessened as I've gotten older. Honestly, these days I really don't care much about what people think of my habits or lifestyle choices because I have figured out that my way is the best way for me and that's all that matters. On the flip side, I really couldn't care less about the choices that other people make (so long as they aren't harming anyone else by making them). I definitely feel like I've grown into an awareness that everyone is different and that is a-okay.

  9. Woo!! 1.5 weeks until show #1!

    I've really been an IDGAF kind of girl since 1984 but one thing I could say really changed in my mid-twenties was that I stopped caring about thigh jiggle. It's there, it's always been there. I'm over it.

  10. I've stopped caring about the Friday night thing too. And music. Bring on the James Taylor! :)

  11. Yes and yes to music and celebrity gossip. I just don't have time to care about celebrity news. As far as music goes, I like what I like. Whether it's Taylor Swift 's newest song, or some obscure band I heard on Pandora - whatever! Yay for being comfortable in my own skin.

  12. While I do love a night out as much as the next person, coming home on a Friday and relaxing is sometimes key to my sanity! I'll admit though ... I am one of those people who likes cell gossip. I like to add some insanity in my brain every now and again... clearly!

  13. I can agree with so many of these- I remember being towards the end of college when I suddenly stopped feeling like I needed to have plans 24/7 and I sooo wish I would have learned or adapted that earlier in life! It would have kept me from spending time doing things I really didn't want to do because I'd rather be reading or writing or doing something on my own because of feeling like everyone else is doing ___ I need to have some exciting plans too! I'm jealous you're seeing the Dave Matthews Band-- I didn't even realize not liking them was a thing, haha.

  14. Okay but your photo above was quite relevant because you're setting up in tree pose where you're "growing" (careless). You've clearly taken the photo as you've found balance, and in the words below it you express the ways you've displayed balance in your lifestyle. You are wittier (and prettier!) than you even know my dear!

  15. Yes!!!! Isn't it amazing the things that we used to fret over and how we just don't care about it in the least bit anymore? My music tastes have not evolved since college either. I still listen to the same stuff, hence my throw backs most Fridays. Music snobs these days are code for don't know what real music is. Haha!!! And I have gotten used to saying...yeah sorry, I just don't go out that late. Or, I can't eat that because I don't have the metabolism of a 21 year old. I am never peer pressured in to anything anymore. Not that I really was before, but now I say no and not feel bad about it where as before I used to worry after I said no that I might have offended someone.


Post a Comment

I'd love to hear from you. Please make sure your settings let me reply to your comment by email.