For a long time, I'd been saying I wasn't sure what I really wanted to do. What my dream job was. And then I interviewed for a company I've been wanting to work for, a little wish I sort of kept in the back of my mind, for years. And I had another interview, and then another, and another. And then they told me I was in the top two. And I wanted it so, so, so badly. Everything about it. The office and location. The work and industry. The people. And I really, really thought I was going to get it. (I mean, on my last interview I was all but told it was mine. So.)
And now, I'm more disappointed than I have been in a really long time.
On the bright side, I'm not scared. I'm not desperate and I'm not panicked. I'm safe. But I am really disappointed.
I know this happens all the time. People get passed over for jobs and opportunities. I've been on job interviews that have resulted in absolutely nothing—not even the courtesy of a rejection notice (which should be illegal, in my opinion). People face unemployment for weeks, months, years with no safety net. No backup plan. I'm beyond fortunate that that doesn't describe me right now, and I know that.
But I'm still really disappointed. Because now, I don't really know what to do. Not in terms of paying my rent and bills, but in terms of what I'm after. See, the dream job wasn't my dream job because of the job description. It was the company. And no, there isn't another company like that one. This feels like a massive missed opportunity that I have no concept of how to recreate.
This isn't like a blown race where I can train again, train harder, train smarter, and go out and tackle the distance and do better next time. This isn't like a rejected manuscript where I can revise and resubmit or query to 10 new literary agents every day. This is, for this particular goal, the very end of the road.
The good news is that I'm really good at creating goals. Sometimes I'm even good at achieving them.
So I'm going back to the drawing board. I'm keeping up with my passion projects. I'm doing good work where I'm working now, and I'm keeping my options open. I'm keeping my eyes open.
Sorry to write such a bummer post on a Friday, but this is what's going on today. Well, there's a lot going on lately, but this is the big thing. Thanks for letting me talk about what my life looks like right now.
I can always count on you guys for some hope and happiness. Got a joke or funny story for me? Or an anecdote about a time where bad news turned out to be for the best? I'll take anything you got.