I'm Addicted to Home Improvement Shows
A long time ago, I was completely addicted to HGTV, TLC, and Food Network. I delighted in ambush makeover shows like While You Were Out and the sometimes-disastrous Trading Spaces reveals (come ON, Hildi!). Ina and Giada inspired and tempted me, and let's never forget our dear friend Ty Pennington and his tight man jeans.
And then I cut cable after spending two years barely watching it and deciding I could be a Netflix-dependent cord-cutter. Part of the appeal was that I wouldn't just flip on the TV and end up accidentally zoning out in front of whatever happened to be on. With Netflix, you have to be more deliberate in picking something to watch for 20 hours straight.
Except then Netflix started really picking up their home improvement game. (I still wish they would have more straight cooking shows instead of the cooking competition shows, but that's another story for another day.) I'm talking House Hunters, House Hunters International, House Hunters Renovation! Fixer Upper! Property Brothers!
But as with all good things, there is a dark side. As inspiring and entertaining as home improvement shows can be, they sometimes bring out the worst in me... Hear me out.
Chip and Joanna are TV's best couple. Hands-down, no questions asked, don't even TRY to fight me on it. They are perfection, their love is awe-inspiring, their goats are the best. And because they are so perfect and pure, I absolutely HATE when anyone other than Chip calls her Jo Jo. It's like, BACK OFF BUDDY THAT'S WHAT HER HUSBAND CALLS HER AND YOU WERE NOT INVITED TO THIS INTIMATE FESTIVAL OF JOANNA LOVE. No, but I actually get angry and shout that at my TV.
Until the reveal on Fixer Upper, in which I invariably cry buckets because Chip and Joanna just get it and obviously open concept main floor plans are what dreams are made of. (Has Joanna ever seen a dining room wall she didn't physically need to tear down?)
I have so many gripes about the couples that appear on Property Brothers. I should not be so bothered by strangers—especially strangers who are obviously coached or edited to appear the way they do and say the things they say. But I viscerally hate every wife on PB. They are all nasty and rude and have "can I speak to a manager" face and I just get super protective of Drew and Jonathan and hate the way the wives speak to them.
So I especially love it when Drew and Jonathan snark on the wives and their doofus, man-cave needing, no-closet-space-having, whatever-you-say-honey husbands (really, HGTV? We must, with this trope?) the second the couple walks through a doorway into the other room. When they actually imitate the super bitchy ones, my life is made. Ditto when Jonathan tells them to literally GTFO and stop changing plans and acting like Jonathan is hiding a money tree from them.
The definitive ranking of House Hunters shows: House Hunters Renovation, House Hunters, House Hunters International. House Hunters International is basically trash and will not be resorted to until all other options have been exhausted. Even Flip or Flop.
I saw a typo on an early episode of Fixer Upper and I'm still thinking about it. Like, more than a week later. The guy needed to completely redo the kitchen, because of course, and in that little sidebar graphic they display listing the projects to be completed, the folks at HGTV wrote: "Kitchen Overhall." OverHALL. OVERHALL. I believe the word you're looking for is "overhaul," seeing as "overhall" isn't a damn word. I'm seriously still thinking about this and getting upset.
This might be my weirdest home improvement show-watching behavior, but I love googling for Buzzfeed articles about HGTV while I'm watching HGTV shows. I don't know why, but they're gold. See here, here, here, and here.
Linking up here, here, and here.
Whatchu got to confess?