A Landscaper's Pact and Other Wished Things

1. I wish all the landscapers the world over would get together and agree on one day a week that they do all the mowing, weed-whacking, and whatever else they do with very loud machines. Or at least all the landscapers and homeowners in my immediate area—I know, selfish. It would just be delightful to not have the shrill sound of weed-whackers floating into my (finally) open windows every single day or to not have to cough up cut grass dust every time I go outside.

2. I wish Apple would realize that no one likes their crappy weather app and that no, I do not need Stocks, a separate Contacts app, Compass, GAME CENTER, or any of their other useless, space-wasting, clutter-causing apps. It's digital storage space robbery, Apple.

3. I wish the Netflix interface would allow for folders in your queue. I'm a chronic rewatcher of sitcoms I love (Friends, How I Met Your Mother, The Office, Parks & Rec, 30 Rock) and dramedy addict (Gilmore Girls, Parenthood, Friday Night Lights), but I also have a habit to be really aspirational as I scroll through Netflix. I add documentaries, important films, and cult classics to my list...but when I scroll through my queue thinking today might be a great day to finally watch that documentary I've been hearing about, more often than not I get distracted by HIMYM or something on the way there. Also, as an absolute devotee to organizing and folders as a way of life, I would just like make some order of this mess of a queue.

4. I wish people would stop asking me about farting in yoga. I'm serious. I don't know who started this rumor, but someone must have spread it around that everyone is musical in yoga class. No joke, 99% of the people who find out I teach or practice ask me about that before anything else: "Do people fart in your class?" "Has anyone ever farted during yoga?" "I'm too nervous to take a class because I'm worried I'll let one slip." YOU GUYS. It is seriously not even REMOTELY as big a concern as people are making it out to be. Relax.

5. I wish I could read more than four pages of my book at night without getting to the point where my eyelids are so heavy, I feel like I'm in high school second-period algebra all over again.

6. As I watch One Tree Hill for the first time ever, I wish Dan Scott would do everyone a favor and just jump off a bridge. (Middle of season three currently. No spoilers.)

7. I wish someone would give me a Cliff's Notes of Lemonade because I basically don't know what anyone has been talking about for the last week. I also don't even know how to access Lemonade if I wanted to—is it a movie or an album? I've heard something about Tidal, but nah. Help?

8. I wish I had a money tree.

9. I wish avocados were always in season, inexpensive in NJ as they are in California, and in endless supply at the perfect ripeness directly in my apartment.

10. I wish my neighbor would understand that loudly complaining out in the echo-ey hallway about the loudness of his downstairs neighbor doesn't make him any better a neighbor than the guy below him. Follow thoughts to their logical conclusions, people.

What do you wish for?


  1. bloatware is the worst. it's why whenever i get a new phone, i root it so i can get rid of all that crap and free up space!

  2. I am super confused about the Lemonade thing too...I just don't follow along with celebrities enough but I have a friend who is a diehard Beyonce fan and I'm seeing her this weekend so I'll have to get the lowdown from her. lol. You have a lot of good things coming in OTH!!!

  3. So I spent about 10 minutes before bed last night reading backstory on Lemonade. Gossip gossip gossip. Beyonce's fans are no freaking joke though.

    I have all the Apple stuff they force you to have in a folder on my phone that I have named Crapple because that's what it is. CRAP.

    LOLOL @ the fart thing.

    I was going to use a powerwasher at the shore this weekend but it was too freaking loud even for me so I did it by hand and with the hose.

  4. This is a very reasonable wish list and I agree on the landscapers pact. Way too much pollen swirling around, I'd prefer if they chose a Tuesday while I'm at work but this may not be good for you.

    Ha-ha isn't child's pose what farts in yoga class are for? LOL

  5. haha I loved #2. Its so true i wish they would get rid of those pointless apps!

  6. #7 - I'm right there with you.
    #8 - YES, please.

  7. #1 yes please!!!
    #4 actually happened to me!!! But I have issues, so I'm sure that's not the norm.

  8. I don't get the lemonade thing either? And ummm I am laughing so hard at the farting in yoga thing. Clearly everyone is five. I have never seen One Tree Hill but my husband used to watch that show with his sister and it was one of his favorites lol. Maybe I need to go back and watch it.

  9. hahah I'm so glad you mentioned number one, because yesterday I was irrationally annoyed by all of the lawn noise & the fact that I had to close my windows during the few moments of sunshine because it was so loud. And #8 do you mean like dollar bills on a tree or an actual money tree because I got a little one from home depot a few months ago and I love it, haha.

  10. oh what is wrong with the weather app? i use it? is it bad? i'm sorry.
    we do all our lawn stuff on the weekend. the other weekend we were both up at 6am and i was like dang lets get shit done this is great and KC was like no apparently that's rude. oh boo. haha. the other month, KC and I both took a day off and it was glorious until my next door neighbour decided to do some sort of some house building bullshit and made loud annoying consistent noises all day and i wanted to smack him with something but i didn't. so i feel your pain. makes me want to live in the country where no-one is right next to me, but i don't want to be that far away from people lol.
    do you have an aldi nearby? avos are cheap there fo shiz.
    i don't know what lemonade is?


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