I’ve thought a lot lately about this blog, and how different it looks now than it once did. I don’t maintain that it used to be better or worse, but you could certainly say it once was more active than it is now. You could also say it was once more full of fluff than it is now.
On very few occasions I’ve thought about closing it down or just walking away from posting altogether, mostly to have one less thing to maintain. One less thing to update. One less place to have to put my words that alternate between being my own lifeblood and the reminder that a lot of people don’t think they’re worth a damn thing.
But that would also be one less escape, one less place to place my busy mind, one less avenue to help me stay connected to people I care about, and one less platform to help me meet new people and learn new things.
Long ago, when I blogged ~ to be a writer ~ without knowing at all what it meant to maintain a blog with any degree of quality, I swore up and down that I would only put pieces of creative writing on there. I wouldn’t journal in a blog space, and I wouldn’t just talk about my life.
I think we’ve learned by now that I no longer adhere to that standard, and that this blog never has.
But even still, there have been times where I’ve wanted to open a draft and just kind of chit chat about something I’ve been turning over in my mind, or a piece of my world that’s been weighing on me, and I haven’t because it doesn’t feel very “lifestyle blogger-ish.”
But what I’ve always done with words is try to actually DO something with them. Make someone think, laugh, act, or care. Period, the end. That takes various forms and many shapes, and I’m more proud of some of my words than others. But what this train of thought has led me to is a place of wondering why I can’t just think out loud here, if that’s what I feel like doing on a given day.
The nice thing is that I *don’t* make any money on this blog. I don’t have sponsors to please or advertisers to shill for. And while I love when a new reader stumbles over here and I get to make a new internet friend, I do nothing to make my blog more accessible or available—so why should I worry about a personal brand or other some such that frankly doesn’t exist here?
Another thing I’ve done with my words a great deal—sometimes intentionally, sometimes regrettably—is unpack things I’m dealing with that I’m not sure how to process otherwise. And if you could be in my head lately, you would know that more of that is exactly what I need in my life right about now. And basically always.
So I guess my point of this post is two-fold: One, I love you and am glad you give a shit about anything I write here. And two, if I’m forcing upon myself (which I have, inadvertently, been doing for months) the choice between accepted “lifestyle blogger-ish” content and no content at all, it’s time to give myself a third option: whatever works on whatever day it is I open up the next draft page. Because no content at all is a place I’ve been, and not a place I like being.
I guess one day I should write that much-coveted “why I blog” post, but today’s not that day. Maybe tomorrow will be. But in the meantime, I want to be here more, and not slightly because I hope that writing more will just...help me. Be good for me. I need more "good for me" in my life, I think. My writing always has been, for better or for worse, whether it'd turned out eloquent or trite.
As another final note, I composed this post in my Notes app 9 minutes into an episode of One Tree Hill (which I paused, don’t worry) after 8 p.m. on a Friday night, wearing striped leggings and with no immediate plans that don't involve chardonnay and being braless. And I didn’t edit it, because sometimes typing it all out in one shot and throwing it onto the internet is the best strategy, and editing defeats the entire purpose of what you think—but aren’t sure—you’re trying to say. Consider this Realness with AGB, Lesson 1.
I’ll see you guys back here soon.